Alien and Predator 2
by Elecman99
Summary: READ ALIEN AND PREDATOR 1 FIRST! Alien and Predator are back with all of their old friends, Except Ike as well as some new faces Such as Mewtwo, Inuyasha and many more! Also, did I mention that this story might just have Dare I say it? A PLOT? ZOMG!
1. Chapter 1

Alien and Predator 2

The Sequel

Prologue

After the fall of the horror mafia and the death of Clover, Alien, Predator and their friends celebrate by getting drunk off of their asses. However in all of this Sakura Haruno died in a freak Viagra accident/Assassination, but there were no real hard feelings so forgive and forget right? WRONG! Thus begins our story…

1

Ghost of a Female Co-workers Past

Predator: *Snore* *purr*

Voice: Predator… Predator…

Predator: *Snore* *purr*

Sakura's Ghost: (appears) Predator… Wake up…

Predator: *Snore* *purr*

Sakura's Ghost: Oh for the love of Christ! We have an AP-24 in progress! Requesting back-up!

Predator: (Jumps out of bed) I'm on it Chief!

Sakura: Okay now that you're up--

Predator: (Runs out door)

Sakura's Ghost: …

Alien: Don't worry. You didn't give him the location. He'll be back soon.

Sakura's Ghost: No he won't! He'll tear through every part of the city until he finds the AP-24.

Alien: What the hell is an AP-24?

Sakura's Ghost: I don't know!

Predator: (Busts through door) Mission accomplished sir! I found the guy, asked him why he was out past curfew, guy says he's homeless, I take it as a smart remark, smash his face in, then realize he was a hobo and that the incident was a misunderstanding too late, rip out his skull, (holds out Skull) then bring body back to Alien for snack. (Throws corpse on floor) Procedure followed perfectly! Job well done! Good night Sir! (Goes to room)

Sakura's Ghost: Predator Wait!

Predator: *Snore* *purr*

Alien: Well… that was nice of him. (Grabs corpse) (Drags corpse back to room) Good night Sakura!

Sakura's Ghost: *Cries*

Hobo's Ghost: (To Sakura's Ghost) Excuse me. Could you spare some change?

The next night…

Predator: *Snore* *purr*

Sakura's Ghost: Predator… Predator… Predator… Predator… Predator… Predator… Predator… Predator… Predator… Pre--

Predator: (Springs up) What? Oh my god! What do you want? Can you not see I'm sleeping here? Jeez! Is it really that important that it can't wait until tomorrow? Seriously! I'm laying here just minding my own damn business, Sleeping, when suddenly, "Predator! Predator! Predator! Predator! Predator!" Do you know how freaking annoying it is to wake up to that? What are you a fucking alarm clock? I think you're about 4 fucking hours early because 3 in the fucking morning! So either tell me what you fucking want or get the fuck out and let me get some fucking sleep! Okay? So what do you want?

Sakura's Ghost: *Flinches* Don't hurt me!

Predator: Fine! Good night! (Goes back to sleep) *Snore* *Purr*

Alien: Wow! Even I've never seen anything like that from Predator before!

Sakura's Ghost: I… I'm just going to go… cry… in the corner… (Goes to corner) *Sniffle*

Alien: You might want to do it quietly.

Sakura's ghost: Okay… *Sniffle* Thanks… *Sob* *Sob*

Alien: No problem.

The next night…

Predator: *Snore* *purr*

Sakura's Ghost: Preda--

Predator: (Stabs Sakura's ghost in heart)

Sakura's Ghost: (Fall's dead on floor) (disappears) (Reappears in living room) This is going to be harder than I thought.

Alien: Yeah, before you try again, I have several questions.

Sakura's Ghost: Shoot.

Alien: How did he stab you?

Sakura's ghost: Well first he took his claws and--

Alien: (Stabs Sakura's ghost in heart)

Sakura's Ghost: (Falls dead on floor) (disappears) (Reappears) Okay, I had that one coming. Seriously though what was the question?

Alien: How did he stab you?

Sakura's ghost: Well first he took his claws and--

Alien: I swear to god Sakura!!! (Holds up tail)

Sakura's ghost: Okay! Okay! To answer your question, it turns out the whole "Ghosts can pass through physical objects" theory… Complete Bullshit!!!

Alien: Okay, how did you die from him stabbing you?

Sakura's ghost: I think you just answered your own question there Alien.

Alien: You know what I mean!!!

Sakura's ghost: Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Basically, even though ghosts are dead, they can die again. They just reappear in a nearby place.

Alien: Fair enough. Question number 3! Why do you want Predator so much?

Sakura's ghost: I want him to bring me back to life.

Alien: Okay, but why does HE have to do it when I'm more than willing to.

Sakura's Ghost: Because he needs to take responsibility for his actions!

Alien: Yeah… never going to happen!

Sakura's Ghost: Okay, but here's my question. Why is it that you're always up when I come out?

Alien: I'm mostly nocturnal.

Sakura's Ghost: You mean you mostly come out at--

Alien: Finish that sentence and I swear to God it'll be the last sentence you'll say in your… I mean they'll be your final… you'll regret it.

Predator: Alright! I'm going on early patrol night Alien.

Sakura's Ghost: Hey Predator! Wait!

Predator: Yeah? What do you want?

Sakura's Ghost: What you're not even surprised to see me?

Predator: You've been pulling this ghost bull crap for the past three nights! It has not really come as a surprise because I know you're just trying to scare me.

Sakura's Ghost: No… I'm really dead… I was killed… and you were there!

Predator: Oh Yeah! You died in my Viagra experiment!

Sakura's Ghost: That WAS you!!!

Predator: Yup! Anyway what'd you want?

Sakura's Ghost: I want you to resurrect me!

Predator: Alright! Alright! (Walks over to closet) (Opens closet) (Takes out horn of life) (Closes closet) Alright here! (Uses horn of life on Sakura) There you're welcome! Now if you'll excuse me! (Leaves)

Alien: Well I guess that's that then.

Sakura: I guess so.

(Thunder)

Alien: What the hell?

Sakura: Oh no!

Alien: What is it?

Elecman99: GOD IS NOT PLEASED WITH YOU SAKURA!!!

Alien: Oh!

Elecman99: I SHALL SMITE THEE BEFORE THOU SHALT MAKE ANOTHER NARUTO: SHPPUDEN MOVIE!!!

Sakura: Oh God help me!!!

Elecman99: NO CHANCE!!! (Kills Sakura with Holy Fire) NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I MUST REPENT FOR BLASPHEMY.

Alien: Can I still bring Sakura back?

Elecman99: I'LL DO IT. (Brings back Sakura) (Leaves)

Sakura: What the hell just happened?

Alien: Just go home Sakura!

Sakura: Right! (Leaves)

Alien: *Sigh*

Voice: Hey Alien.

Alien: Oh What Now? (Turns around) Oh… Hi Naruto… The resurrection chamber is in the basement.

Naruto: Thanks! (Goes into basement)

Alien: Douche!

Naruto: I found it!

Alien: WHAT?

Naruto: (Walks out of basement) Thanks Alien! (Leaves)

Alien: (Jaw Drops) I don't believe it.

Naruto: (Opens front door) BELIVE IT! (Closes door)

Alien: Should've seen that one coming.

Predator: (Busts through door) Look who I found out past curfew! (Holds out Naruto and Sakura's corpses)

Alien: That does it! Fuck this! I'm going to bed!

Predator: So you don't want the corpses?

Alien: Give me those! (Takes corpses)

Predator: You just can't resist can you?

Alien: Shut up! I'm ashamed of it as it is! (Drags corpses back to room)

Predator: Why's the basement door open? (Looks in basement) When did we get resurrection machine?

Alien: I don't know just go to sleep!

Predator: Okay! (Goes to room)


	2. Chapter 2

2

Meet Mewtwo

Alien: *Sigh*

Marth: *Sigh*

Predator: Hey guys, what's wrong?

Alien: Why do you care?

Predator: I don't! Sakura's just bitching that I should treat you with some more respect and I want her to shut up!

Alien: Didn't you kill her in that entirely pointless series of events last night and those before it which was ironically intended to bring her back to life?

Predator: Yeah, but she found the resurrection chamber in the basement when Naruto came back with her.

Alien: I see.

Marth: Resurrection chamber?

Alien: Don't ask!

Predator: So anyways what's wrong?

Marth: We miss Ike!

Alien: We had such good times together!

Predator: He never did anything!

Alien: But he was there! *sob* *sob*

Predator: *Sigh* Listen, how about you come with me, Ness and Ino to Sasuke's to forget your troubles via alcohol.

Marth: Well…

Alien: Oh, Fuck it! Why not? We're destroying ourselves as it is over our loss, we might as well do it while drunk! (Turns to Predator) We'll be there!

(That night at Sasuke's)

Marth: Bartender! Triple vodka on the Rocks!

Alien: Martini!

Sasuke: (Hands drinks)

Alien: (Sips drink) I remember the time I first met Ike! *Hic* I believe he was wearing a Speedo!

Marth: Yeah! We were all in the swimming pool, shirtless, our smooth, moist, muscular bodies glistening in the light.

Alien: What the hell are you doing?

Marth: I'm describing what happened the first night we met Ike in graphic sexy detail!

Alien: I know! I wasn't talking to you! I was talking Sakura!

Sakura: Nothing! (Pulls hand out from beneath dress)

Alien: Why are your fingers wet?

Sakura: What are you talking about? (Wraps fingers in dress)

Alien: … Anyways… you were saying something about what happened the first night we met Ike in graphic sexy detail.

Marth: Ah! Yes! Ike and I were wearing some tight, black Speedos which really showed of our sexy asses and our smooth, wet hair gave small but luminous reflections of light and--

Person: Oh get a room you two!

Marth: (Looks at Person) Screw you jackass! Wait! Mewtwo?

Mewtwo: Marth?

Marth: Hey! Buddy! Where've you been?

Mewtwo: At the bottom of the tier list… wallowing in my own self-pity.

Marth: Ooh… you're still sore about that?

Mewtwo: I'm one of the most powerful Pokémon and they saw me and labeled me as useless! Also I haven't been in a Pokémon game since Fire Red/Leaf Green!

Marth: Well what about the Mystery Dungeon games?

Mewtwo: Those were spinoffs! Those don't count!

Marth: Still come on! Things aren't that bad!

Mewtwo: I don't need your pity Mr. Top Tier Character!

Marth: Mewtwo! It's not like that!

Mewtwo: Then they replace me with that douche bag Lucario!

Marth: Well I don't have it all good. Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon sucked in America! Also at least you can be used in all of your games. I only appear in three or four of mine.

Mewtwo: (Smiles) Thanks Marth.

Marth: No problem!

Alien: Are you two quite done?

Mewtwo: Who's this guy?

Marth: Oh! How rude of me! Mewtwo, this is Alien. Alien, this is Mewtwo.

Mewtwo: Hi.

Alien: Pleasure.

Marth: Alien, I think we have our new third friend!

Alien: I don't know… what can you do?

Mewtwo: Okay! Check this out! (Takes control of Predator's arm) (Punches Predator in the face three times)

Predator: What the? So it's a fight you want huh? Bring it! (Punches arm) (Slams arm against bar) (Breaks glass on arm) (Chokes self with arm) (Grabs arm) (Hurls self outside landing on arm)

Alien: Okay Mewtwo! You can let go of his arm now!

Mewtwo: I let go after I punched him three times!

Alien: Wait, then that means…

Predator: (Takes out claws) (Cuts off hand) Who's laughing now huh? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

Alien: (Walks up to Predator) You do realize that my new friend here was the reason your arm acted up right?

Predator: Yeah! That's why I cut it off! You lose Alien!

Alien: You also realize that he let go of your arm after the three punches right?

Predator: Come again?

Alien: He let go after he punched you three times!

Predator: …*Screams* (Clutches arm) Son of a mother fucker! Holy shit! My fucking hand! I cut off my own fucking hand! *Screams* Call the fucking hospital for Christ's sake!

Alien: *Laughs* Up yours SUCKER!!!

Mewtwo: So does this mean I'm in?

Alien: Fuck yeah!

Mewtwo: Nice!

Alien: So where do you live?

Mewtwo: Here! (Holds out luxury ball) I modified it so that I may enter and exit the ball when I Please. Also I can talk to you guys from inside it.

Alien: I'm sure Marth can find a place for your house in his luxury apartment.

Marth: Sweet! Finally my own roommate!

Sakura: I'd be your roommate! (Caresses Marth) I'd be your roommate so hard!

Marth: *sigh*

Mewtwo: Here! Let me! (Waves hand)

Sakura: Must… jump off… Golden Gate Bridge… (Walks away)

Marth: Thanks!

Mewtwo: My pleasure!


	3. Chapter 3

3

The Half-Beast and the Harlot

Alien: Hey Predator! We've got some new neighbors. They just finished moving in yesterday! I figured we should go down and warn them-- I mean say hi!

Predator: Alright!

(At the new neighbor's apartment)

Alien: (Knocks on door)

Neighbor: (Opens Door)

Alien: Good Afternoon Mister… uh…

Neighbor: Inuyasha.

Alien: Right! Anyways, my name is Alien and this is Predator. (Points to Predator)

Predator: Sup?

Alien: We're your new neighbors and we just came down to say get out while you still can!

Inuyasha: What?

Predator: (Grabs Alien's jaw) What he meant to say was welcome to the neighborhood!

Inuyasha: Oh well thanks! (Falls on face) Ow!

Alien: A bit drunk are we?

Inuyasha: (Gets up) No! It's my wife!

Alien: Ooh, Relationship trouble?

Inuyasha: Oh Please! If anything, she likes our "relations" way too much if you know what I'm saying! (Nudges Alien)

Alien: Not really.

Predator: His wife loves sex.

Alien: Oh! Well then what's with you slamming your head against the ground?

Inuyasha: Whenever my wife says the word "sit" I do a fucking face plant because of this fucking necklace! (Holds out necklace)

Predator: (Snaps fingers) That's where it went!

Inuyasha: What? You know about this necklace?

Predator: Yeah! My people made the damn things!

Inuyasha: You mean there's more than one of these damn things?

Predator: Are you kidding? You can get them at them at your local tamer's shop for about five bucks on my planet!

Alien: You use U.S. currency your planet?

Predator: No! The currency on my planet is actually called bucks! How do you think you got the term here?

Alien: Huh! Go figure!

Inuyasha: Ahem! (Holds out necklace)

Predator: Ah! Yes! Back to the matter at hand! Basically it's a voice activated choke chain minus the chain. We use it to tame wild beasts to use as pets or to help us hunt. If they disobey the master, the master need only say they key word and BAM! Instant discipline! Apparently the keyword on this one is sit.

Alien: Well how come whenever anyone else says it he doesn't fall over?

Predator: It's called voice recognition! Apparently it's attuned to his wife's voice.

Inuyasha: Well is there a way to get it off?

Predator: Well Natasha--

Inuyasha: Inuyasha!

Predator: Whatever! The way I see it we can do one of two things! We can kill your wife... (Holds out spear gun)

Inuyasha: Uh… No!

Predator: Aw! Well then there's only one other option, but it will demean both of us!

Inuyasha: I don't care! After what happened this morning, I'll do anything to get this thing off!

(Flashes back to earlier that morning in the kitchen)

Kagome: (Walks in) *Yawn* Good morning honey!

Inuyasha: Good morning Kagome!

Kagome: Do I smell bacon?

Inuyasha: That's right!

Kagome: Yum! I'll just sit down at the table and wait.

Inuyasha: (Falls on face into pan) *Scream* It burns!

Kagome: Mmmm! Crispy!

(End of flashback)

Predator: Ooh! Ouch!

Inuyasha: Yeah! No kidding! Get this thing off me NOW!!!

Predator: *Sigh* Alright! Here it goes! (Speaks in cute voice) Good boy! (Rubs Inuyasha's head)

Inuyasha: What the hell?

Predator: Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? (Scratches Inuyasha's chin) You are! You are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you are!

Inuyasha: Huh! This actually feels kind of nice!

Predator: Such a good boy! Such a good boy! Did you obey me? Did you obey me? Yes you did! Yes you did! You a good boy because you did as you were told didn't you? Didn't you? Yes you did! Yes you did! (Lays Inuyasha on floor) (Rubs Inuyasha's belly)

Inuyasha: Hey! What are you-- (Groans with pleasure) Oh yeah! That's the spot! Right there! (Shakes leg)

Predator: Yeah! Do you like your belly rubbed?

Inuyasha: Yes!

Predator: Do you like your belly rubbed?

Inuyasha: Yes I do!

Predator: Yes you do!

Inuyasha: Yes I do!

Predator: Yes you do!

Inuyasha: Yes I do indeed!

Alien: If he does red rocket I will laugh my ass off!

Predator: (Returns to normal voice) Don't press your luck Alien!

(Necklace comes off)

Predator: (Grabs Necklace) Yo! Ha! Ha!

Inuyasha: Aw! Why'd you stop?

Predator: Number one, the necklace came off. Number two, You were enjoying that WAY too much!

Alien: I'm not sure who was enjoying that more! Me or him!

Kagome: Inuyasha! Are you having sex with another woman without me? (Walks to door) Oh… hi…

Alien: Here comes trouble!

Kagome: What? Is Shippou behind me?

Alien: Who now?

Inuyasha: He's our adopted son/pet.

Alien: I see.

Kagome: Were using him to see if we'd make good enough parents to have kids of our own someday! We definitely have the part of making the child nailed because we practice every night, if you catch my drift! (Nudges Alien)

Alien: I don't.

Predator: They have sex every night!

Alien: Oh! Gotcha!

Inuyasha: Is your friend really that thick-headed?

Predator: Yes he is! In more ways than one! (Knocks on Alien's head) But It isn't his fault. You see my friend is you would call a xenomorphic social insectoid.

Kagome: Sounds hot!

Alien: Actually I'm cold blooded. Which is ironic considering my blood is as strong if stronger than stomach acid!

Predator: In other words, no it really isn't! Anyways, the thing about my friend's species is that they reproduce asexually via and parasite and host. So he's a bit in the dark when it comes to sexual references.

Alien: Actually I can see in the dark so--

Predator: Shut up Alien!

Alien: Okay!

Predator: Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go dispose of this necklace properly! (Leaves)

Kagome: Hey! Your necklace is gone!

Inuyasha: Yeah! Finally!

Kagome: How'd you get it off?

Alien: You don't want to know!

Inuyasha: Oh believe me! Yes she does!

Alien: Let me guess, Sexual?

Inuyasha: Now you're getting it!

Alien: Nice! So, I couldn't help but notice you have dog ears!

Inuyasha: Yes, and I couldn't help but notice you have two mouths!

Alien: Touché!

Inuyasha: Seriously though, I am a half demon.

Alien: Ah! Well that would explain a lot! So, your wife… is she a half demon too?

Kagome: No I'm human, but I do get a bit of demon in me every night.

Alien: Yeah! You may want to call a priest about that!

Inuyasha: That was a sexual reference.

Alien: Oh… well you didn't nudge me so…

Inuyasha: Never mind!

Alien: Anyways, So you're a half demon and married to a human… seems a bit unholy! No offense!

Inuyasha: None taken.

Kagome: Besides, we do much more unholy things every night!

Alien: Satanic blood rituals?

Inuyasha: No! Sex moron!

Alien: Oh! Satanic blood orgies!

Inuyasha: No! Just sex!

Kagome: Though I am going to have to jot that one down! That sounds hot! (Takes out note pad) (Wirtes) Satanic… blood… orgy! Got it!

Alien: Well the thing is I actually the sexual reference but you lost me when you said "We do much more unholy things every night!" Because marrying a half-demon, who is half a spawn of the epitome of all evil, Satan, is a pretty big sin by itself! No offense!

Inuyasha: No it's cool.

Kagome: Want to have a three-way?

Alien: A what now?

Inuyasha: You, I and she have sex.

Alien: Oh! Sorry I can't! I don't have reproductive parts.

Kagome: That's alright! Just use your mouth.

Alien: Yeah… um… (Sticks out second mouth)

Kagome: Oh… well how about your tail?

Alien: Yeah, notice the razor sharp blade on the end of it!

Kagome: Ooh… Well how about your hands?

Alien: Razor sharp claws.

Kagome: Damn It!

Inuyasha: What is it with you and sex anyways?

Kagome: I don't know.

Alien: I wonder what Predator meant when he said he was going to dispose of the necklace properly?

(Meanwhile)

Predator: (Chuckles) (Knocks on door)

Marth: (Opens door) Oh God! What do you want?

Predator: Hey Marth, I just wanted to say… I'm sorry.

Marth: Say what?

Predator: I know I pick on you and make fun of you, but it's all in good fun. I just want to make sure there are no hard feelings so… here. (Holds out Inuyasha's necklace) It's a necklace of valor! One of the highest honors on my planet, and I want you to have.

Marth: Wow! I don't know what to say! Thanks! (Puts on necklace)

Predator: Here! (Blindfolds Marth) Come on! I have a surprise for you!

(On the roof)

Marth: Can I take it off now?

Predator: Not yet! We're almost there.

Marth: I can hardly wait! (Steps on roof's edge)

Predator: Perfect!

Marth: (Takes off blindfold) Predator, I don't see anything.

Predator: SIT MOTHER FUCKER!!!

Marth: (Falls off roof) (Looks down) (Sees landmines) Oh, Fuck me! (Falls face first on mines)

*BOOM*

Predator: That's payback for the fan bitch!


	4. Chapter 4

4

Help Wanted

(At the police station)

(Shows Predator sitting in armchair reading AVP comic book)

Predator: Ah, those were the days…

Sakura: Why the hell do you get an armchair?

Predator: Because I don't get shot in my right shoulder every time I try to handle criminals. (Turns page)

Sakura: I haven't been shot that much!

Predator: (Closes comic book) (Pulls out refrigerator magnet) (Sticks magnet on Sakura's shoulder) Case and point. (Resumes reading comic book)

Master Chief (Intercom): Predator! Please report to my office!

Predator: (Gets up) (Walks to Chief's office) (Opens door) You wanted to see me sir?

Master Chief: Predator, I have noticed something recently. You, Sakura and I are the only officers on the entire force!

Predator: You're calling Sakura an officer?

Sakura (off-screen): Hey!

Master Chief: Good point.

Sakura (off-screen): What?

Master Chief: Anyways, that's why I need you to take these help wanted posters (hands Predator posters) and post them throughout the city.

Predator: Kay!

Master Chief: Then I need you to help me interview the applicants.

Predator: With pleasure!

Master Chief: Yeah, I would've asked Sakura but she focuses WAY too much credentials, stats, policy, and doesn't focus enough on whether or not they KICK ASS!!!

Sakura (off-screen): How the hell did you get to be chief of police?

Master Chief: Sakura, please report to my office!

Sakura: (Walks in) You wanted to see me?

Master Chief: (Shoots Sakura in the head) That's how!

Predator: Should I revive her or something?

Master Chief: Nah! There are spawners in here. She'll respawn any second.

Sakura: (Respawns)

Master Chief: See? (Looks at Sakura) Now, do you have any more complaints about how I run things around here?

Sakura: *Sigh* No sir.

Master Chief: Good! (Shoots Sakura in head)

Sakura: (Respawns) Chief! What the hell?

Master Chief: I'm sorry but that huge forehead is just too tempting! It's like the CQB helmet! It just stands out and is such an easy target!

Sakura: Well try to control yourself okay?

Predator: (Shoots Sakura in head with spear gun pinning Sakura's head to wall)

Master Chief: (Looks at Predator)

Predator: What? Like you said it's too tempting… I'm keeping the skull by the way.

(Later at the interviews)

Predator: All right, we have a whole bunch of applicants lined up. Let's do it! First applicant!

Spencer from Bionic Commando: (Walks in) (Waves with bionic arm) What's up?

Master Chief: YOUR HIRED! NEXT!

Spencer: Nice! (Leaves)

Sango from Inuyasha: (Walks in) Hi!

Master Chief: Yes hello! Name?

Sango: Sango.

Master Chief: Okay Sango, What makes you think you have what it takes to be a police officer?

Sango: Well, I have giant boomerang, as well as years of demon hunting experience and I do mean YEARS!

Predator: Yeah, you had us at big ass boomerang, Just one question, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU ALIVE? LET ALONE SO YOUNG! Wait let me guess, The Resurrection chamber in my basement?

Sango: Yes!

Predator: Figures! NEXT!

Master Chief: When did you get a resurrection chamber?

Predator: Alien and I are still trying to figure out that one!

Harry Potter: (Walks in)

Predator: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Master Chief: Agreed! No way in hell!

Harry Potter: What? But I got bloody magic!

Master Chief: Yeah? Well I have a gun! (Shoot Harry in the head) Next!

Dante from Devil May Cry: (Walks in) Hey! What's up?

Master Chief: What can you do?

Dante: (pulls out guns) (Rapidly shoots Predator until combo meter fills to maximum)

Predator: (Falls down) (Bleeds profusely)

Master Chief: (Looks at Predator) (Looks at Dante)

Dante: Well?

Master Chief: You just shot the hell out of my best officer, and you act as if nothing happened.

Dante: Yeah. So?

Predator: HIRE HIM!!!

Master Chief: Agreed. Welcome to the team.

Dante: All right. Cool. (Leaves)

Master Chief: Next!

Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist: (Walks in) (Waves with metal arm) Hi!

Predator: Sorry pal, we've already got a guy with a metal--

Edward: (Turns arm into sword)

Master Chief: HELLO!!! You're in!

Edward: (Chuckles) Works every time!

Master Chief: Well, when you put it that way, forget it!

Edward: Okay! Okay! How about this? (Converts Master Chief's armor into recon armor)

Master Chief: Getting there…

Edward: (Converts Helmet and Shoulders into recon)

Master Chief: Almost… (Holds out Katana)

Edward: Oh, I know what you want! (Takes Katana) (Converts Katana to atomantium with Master Chief's name engraved on it)

Master Chief: MINE!!! (Grabs Katana) (Runs out swinging Katana while laughing like Peter Griffon)

(Long silence)

Edward: So…

Predator: (Shushes Edward) Come with me to the window! (Walks to window)

Edward: (Follows)

(Shows view through window)

Sakura: (Runs past window) Chief! Get the hell away from me!

Master Chief: (Follows Sakura while swinging katana and laughing)

Arbiter: (Runs past window screaming in Elite)

Master Chief: (Follows Arbiter while swinging katana and laughing)

Arbiter: (Growls)

Master Chief: (Jumps through window screaming) Run for your lives! Arbiter has the dragon's eye Katana!

Arbiter: (Jumps through window swinging Katana) BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG!

Master Chief: Oh GOD! (Runs away)

Arbiter: (Follows Master Chief)

(Long Silence)

Edward: So… do I get the job?

Predator: Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Edward: Should we… do something about them?

Predator: If you want to get decapitated. NEXT!!!

(Cuts to Predator sitting at desk)

Predator: Okay, Name?

Ichigo from Bleach: Ichigo Kurosaki.

Predator: Okay, and what makes you think--

Master Chief: (Runs by screaming)

Ichigo: What the hell?

Arbiter: (Runs by) (Decapitates Ichigo) BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG!

Predator: Next!!! (Sees Ichigo's sword) (Quickly steels sword)

Ang from Avatar: (Walks in)

Predator: Name please?

Ang: Ang!

Predator: Okay, what do you do?

Ang: I'm an air bender, the last one actually.

Master Chief: (Runs by screaming)

Arbiter: (Runs by) (Decapitates Ang) BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG!

Predator: Well… so much for the air benders. Whoever the hell they were! NEXT!!!

Soma Cruz from Castlevaia Aria/Dawn of Sorrow: (Enters)

Predator: Name?

Soma: Soma Cruz.

Predator: Alright Soma, before we begin I'd like to ask you to stick out your leg please.

Soma: Um… Okay. (Sticks out leg)

Master Chief: (Runs by) (Trips over Soma's Leg) (Falls on Face)

Predator: Okay now duck!

Soma: (Ducks)

Arbiter: (Runs by swinging sword) BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! (Trips over Master Chief) BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRG! (Falls on face)

Predator: Sorry about that!

Soma: (Gets up) Does that happen often?

Predator: Pretty much every day. Anyways, what makes you think your qualified to be one of Hollywood's finest?

Soma: You know what? I don't really think I want to work here at a place this crazy. (Gets up)

Predator: (Pulls out spear gun) (Aims at Soma) NO! NO! NO! THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS! YOU DO NOT TURN US DOWN! WE TURN YOU DOWN! NOW SIT DOWN!

Soma: Go ahead! Shoot me! See what happens when you pull the trigger! DO IT MAN!!! Shoot me in the fucking shoulder!!!

Predator: You're giving me permission to shoot you?

Soma: Yeah man! Go ahead! Do it!

Predator: You realize that you are asking me to shoot you and therefore cannot press charges if you are hurt?

Soma: SHOOT ME IN THE GOD DAMN SHOULDER!!!

Predator: Okay! (Shoots shoulder in Soma's Shoulder ripping off arm)

Soma: (Eyes widen) (Grabs Shoulder) FUCK!!!

Predator: Hey you asked for it man!

Soma: God damn it man!!!

Predator: You brought this upon yourself!

Soma: My fucking arm is gone!!!

Predator: You told me to shoot you!

Soma: I thought you'd shoot bullets!

Predator: (Holds out spear gun) Does THIS look like IT shoots BULLETS?

Soma: Oh my arm!

Predator: Hey, buddy! Need a hand? (Laughs)

Soma: Oh God!

Predator: You put yourself in "Arm's" way! (Laughs)

Soma: Why are you mocking me?

Predator: Well you know what they say, "no ARM, no foul!" (Laughs)

Soma: You bastard!

Predator: Well if the hospital charges you an arm and a leg for treatment, (Grabs arm) you've already paid half! (Laughs)

Soma: For god's sake, put that thing on ice!

Predator: Are you sure? Because then I'd be giving you the cold shoulder! (Laughs)

Soma: Why are you making fun of my agony?

Predator: Hey, you say you have experience fight ghosts and stuff?

Soma: Yes.

Predator: Well then, hopefully you'll have no problem dealing with Phantom limb syndrome!!! (Laughs)

Soma: There's blood everywhere!

Predator: Let's hope it doesn't get infected, or else they might have to amputate! Oh wait, TOO LATE!!! (Laughs)

(Later)

Master Chief: Well, for an entire episode devoted to adding more characters, I'd say that went pretty well!

Predator: Yes, Casualties aside, me too.

Master Chief: By the way, I've invited some of the new recruits over for poker tonight. Do you want to come?

Predator: Sure, but I'm afraid Soma can only play… One hand!!! (Laughs)

Master Chief: (Laughs)

Soma: FUCK… YOU!!!

Edward: Don't worry! We share your pain!

Spencer: Yeah! You are among friends.

Predator: Hey Chief look! They're brothers in ARMS!!! (Laughs)

Master Chief: (Laughs) More like brothers in MISSING arms! (Laughs)

Spencer: (Shoots both Chief and Predator in head) Jerks!!!

Master Chief: (Respawns) Okay, we deserved that!

Predator: (Respawns) Right then! Congrats to those who made it! You start tomorrow! We'll meet here tonight for poker!

Arbiter: (Stabs Master Chief from behind)

Master Chief: (Dies)

Arbiter: THE ARBITER NOW HAS HIS REVENGE!!! (Turns to Predator) So, 6:00 then?

Predator: Yep!

Arbiter: Excellent! I'll see you then! (Walks away singing Poker Face by Lady Gaga)

Soma: And stuff like this happens DAILY?

Predator: Pretty much!

Soma: Oh, yeah! I think I'm going to hate it here!

Sakura: Welcome to my world!

Predator: (Shoots Sakura in head with spear gun)

Soma: (Eyes Widen) (Jaw Drops)

Predator: Sorry! It's just too tempting!


End file.
